3. You Say Bizarre Things
Stuff you never ever thought would come out of your mouth will come out of your mouth. Stuff that would make you flip a table if you heard a friend say it. You’ll find ways to justify your unhealthy relationship or your partner’s bad behavior. You’ll voice opinions that you think your partner wants you to have. You’ll make excuses for why you aren’t yourself, or why you don’t hang out anymore. Most of the time, you won’t even realize you’re doing it.
Squad goals shift from you and your crew to you and your boo. And not because you’re building a teamwork approach to life, but because your partner is so insecure that they doesn’t trust you to be out of their sight for a second. Isolation is one of the most common power plays abusers use to keep you under their control. It can even be as benevolent-sounding a manipulation as “you deserve better friends than that.” The end result is still the same no matter how nice it sounds.
5. You Give Up On Snacks
The things you love tend to take a backseat to an unhealthy relationship. That could include anything from your love of snacks to your love of art to your love of volunteering. It’s especially weird for the people around you, as they notice you slowly abandon everything you care about. Your life becomes all about keeping your partner happy or keeping the peace. Taking away the things you love, or just creating an environment where you give them up yourself, is a manipulation that weakens your spirit.
6. Your Emotions Become A Weird Soup
You’re so happy and yet so sad at the same time. It’s a reality that a lot of people don’t talk about. Even if you’re with someone who treats you badly on the regular, they’re often still a part of your family and still someone you love very deeply. Shame drives women to ignore this fact, but our emotions aren’t always something we can control. You’ll find that your feeling are always mixed. When you’re happy, you’re also sad. When you’re chill, you’re also scared. When you’re thinking about leaving, you’re also thinking about staying. It’s a very difficult and complex emotional time.
7. You Become A Weird, Gross Unit
It’s like when a super squishy sports bra turns your girls into one, giant, unflattering unaboob. Sometimes those things should just be separated. Not while working out, but you know what I mean. Anyway, when you’re in a codependent fuse with another person, your friends and family will eventually get annoyed that they can never see you without your significant other. In healthy relationships, time apart is an essential, healthy thing.
8. Nobody Recognizes You Anymore
Your friends and family will start making passive aggressive comments about how they never see you anymore. Maybe one of your closer or bolder friends will tell you that you’re not yourself, that you’ve changed. If everyone around you notices that you seem to have lost your spark, then it may be worth considering if it’s true. Unhealthy relationships eat away at you slowly, so it’s not like you’re going to become a different person over night. That’s the scary part. A lot of the damage can happen before you ever realize anything is wrong. But your friends and family might notice long before you do.
One day you will wake up and realize that you are so far away from yourself. You’ll realize you used to have goals and dreams that you’ve put in a box. You will understand the weight of the compromises you’ve made. Even though the manipulations and unhealthy behaviors of your partner are not your fault, you might even blame yourself, or feel like you’re weak and stupid. This is not true. You’re just in deep.
If any of these apply to you, it’s either time to get your relationship to a healthy place, or move on, if you can. If you can’t, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find support in your area.
